Iroh's Stimulating Erotic Cum-Tastic Massage
by ARealBear
Summary: After three long weeks at sea, with no food, water, or sex, Iroh and Zuko finally reach land. Iroh gets a much needed massage, and Zuko copes with lost honor and repressed sexual urges. Meanwhile, Azula searches for her wanted relatives, and the Aang Gang continues on their quest to defeat the Fire Lord. This evocative prose is a must read for any true fan of Avatar.
The Siege of the North was vicious. Friends and enemies died brutal, watery, fiery deaths in the name of nationalism. Zuko and Uncle Iroh regarded the devastation. They took a look at the injured men limping back onto boats, desperate to leave this traumatic experience behind and see their loved ones. Despised by the Water Tribe as Fire Nation soldiers, and despised by the Fire Nation as failures and traitors, Zuko and Iroh had nowhere to go. They found a raft and hopped on it with no other option.

"I'm surprised, Prince Zuko," mentioned Iroh. "Surprised that you are not at this moment trying to catch the Avatar."

"I'm tired.", said Zuko with resignation.

"Then you should rest.", said Iroh. "A man needs his rest."

-  
That was three weeks ago.

"Ahhhh", moaned Uncle Iroh, lying down on the bed as a foxy, muscular Fire Nation expat massaged his tired back.

"Who knew three weeks at sea, with no food, no water, and no sex, could make a man soooo tensssse…"

Zuko glanced up from the knot of grass he'd been tying in his lap. He hadn't really noticed it before, but his shoulders were so tight they ached.

"Yeah." He said, looking back into his lap. He was confused: he didn't want to see his uncle getting cozy with the masseuse, but at the same time, the thought of watching his old uncle fuck the tall, willowy woman made him hot with unexpected horniness.

"Are you sure you don't want a massage, Prince Zuko?" grunted Uncle Iroh as the lady reached around his fat belly to massage his thighs. "I think it would really help you to…loosen up…"

"I'm fine," said Zuko, his voice constricted with anticipation. He hadn't seen a naked woman since Azula had accidentally let her towel fall after a bath when they were younger. What did that woman look like under her long robe? What did his uncle look like?

But Zuko had so much angst he wasn't ready to let his feelings show.

"No Uncle. Fuck your perverted ass fantasies. Your hooker is an ugly mofo anyway. I'd rather fuck a bear"

"A bear?", asked Iroh with a blank stare. "You mean a platypus bear?"

"A bear."

"Surely," asked the hot masseuse with a slightly bruised ego, "You mean a badger bear?"  
"No dumbass. A regular fucking bear."

Iroh and the masseuse eyed each other with a look of confusion.  
"You're weird", remarked the masseuse condescendingly, and began to squirt some lotion onto Iroh's back.

"Look, if you're not going to pay for a massage, I'm going to have to ask you to leave," said the masseuse, her hands stroking closer and closer to Iroh's loincloth as she rubbed in the slippery lotion. His back glistened like a wet rock in a river, to which algae was clinging. He was very hairy.

Zuko hesitated. His cock was hot and throbbing like his hands did whenever fire was about to sprout from them.

"Now!" the woman said.

"I think it would be best…if you left...let an old man take a nap with a lovely lady," said Uncle Iroh.

"Fine! I'll go find that fucking bear, and when I'm done with her, you'll both be jealous of her! I mean…" he stuttered as he realized what he'd said. The masseuse and his uncle watched him with amusement as he backed away.

He crashed down the mountain, barely watching where he was going. He passed a line of girls gathering water, but paid them no attention. He might have had business with them earlier, but now, he needed to prove himself. He was going to fuck a fucking bear.

Zuko crawled through the woods and became as ragged as Appa after weeks in chains. Speaking of Appa, he actually looked at the sky, and saw a huge ass bison flying over him.

His fingers clenched into fists.

"The Avatar."

Zuko began to clamber up the hill again, but he had a horrible vision. He would go up the hill and Iroh would be getting fisted, and laugh as he sees him come up after such a short time. "Still a virgin I see, my young nephew! You'll never earn a nickname like mine, the Dragon of the West".  
Zuko couldn't do it. He already lost his honor once. He couldn't do it again.

He decided to take a different path up the mountain. As he passed the area where his uncle and the masseuse were, he heard a faint shouting: "Ir-OH Ir-OH Ir-OHHHHHHHH!"

He heard a somewhat louder voice bellowing in harmony:  
"The girls in BA SING SEEEE"

Zuko continued on his way..

He walked for what seemed like hours. He couldn't see Appa in the sky anymore, but soon, he became distracted by something else. There was a rustling in the bushes nearby. A bear?

He fell silent, crouched against the ground in an effort to remain undetected. His sexy, golden eyes glinted as he scanned the underbrush for a big hairy beast.

But what came out was no beast-at least not in the sense of a bear.

It was a girl. Her long, brown hair was tied back in a braid, except for two strands which framed her delicate face. Zuko hadn't noticed it before, but there was a stream running down the mountainside ten feet away. The girl must be about to bathe.

She stretched her arms above her head, pulling at her blue robe. The hem slowly came up over her knees, then her thighs…

Zuko crouched lower. He didn't know what to do. Why was it that whenever he saw naked women, they were always bathing? Something felt wrong about watching her from a hiding place, but if he moved, he didn't know what would happen.

Did naked women have special bending powers? They certainly did something funny to his dick… A shameful part of him wished Uncle Iroh was here to tell him what to do.

The girl's robe was now completely off. Zuko's jaw dropped. He didn't think stomachs could look like that, all soft and sculpted and curved. He didn't know girls looked like that at all, actually. She was almost as hairy as Uncle Iroh. But she was beautiful.

An involuntary groan escaped Zuko's lips. The girl dropped to a defensive stance, arms outstretched in front of her and breasts bouncing with her sudden movement.

"Who's there?" She said, her voice like a harsh whip. "I know someone's there."

Zuko couldn't hold his crouch any longer. His shaking muscles gave out, and he crashed to the ground with an undignified thud. Before he could move, a rope of frigid water wrapped around his neck and a shrill, primal scream pierced his ears. He felt himself being pulled through the underbrush towards the girl.

"Zuko…" she whispered.

"Katara! Is everything all right?" came the Avatar's distant shout. Katara opened her mouth and thought for a second, then raised her eyebrows and called back: "Everything's fine. I just saw a snake, that's all. But I'll take care of it with a little waterbending…"

She stared intently at Zuko. "Nobody can know about this…"

Katara's water whip became a water leash. Growing up in a desolate wasteland with all the men gone off to war, she had some problems. Her sexual frustration could only be vented with intense bondage.

Her leash got tighter. At any point, she imagined Zuko's tense muscles would collapse and he would go unconscious. But Zuko's wiener only got harder.  
"GRNNNRRGGHH" he grunted as he acquired a humongous erection

"Dammit zuko, sokka was right", she remarked under her breath, awestruck. "You really do never give up."

His penis became as hard and pointed as Aang's arrow. "GNNNGRR" he continued to grunt, until a humongous fire nation jizz erupted out of his frustrated, virgin 16 year old cock, and flew 20 yards all the way to the back of Aang's head.

The sensation felt familiar. Aang slowly let out a voice, as a tear left his eye.  
"... Monk Gyatso?"

He turned around, and more tears came out.  
"ZUKO! KATARA! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT?!"

Zuko was wondering where Sokka was. The rest of the GAang was here. Surely he wouldn't be alone, and surely this wouldn't have anything to do with the FULL MOON UP IN THE SKY.

"PLEEEEAAASE MEEEEE!" yelled Katara. It no longer mattered whether Bae'ng heard her. Fourteen years of looking after men finally culminated in an intense, throbbing need to be cared for herself. In her uncontrolled state, her waterbending was no longer confined to her hands. A jet of white, foamy water shot out from between her legs and wrapped around Zuko's hand, then pulled it into her swollen clit.  
-

Quite randomly a bear walked out from the woods and saw this rather unfortunate, intense scene. Zuko saw the bear from the corner of his eye.

"Please let me go, he whimpered. I have to go to that bear. To restore my honor."

But all Katara heard was "mmmphgdmpaghasdg HONOR"

"Fuck your honor, you want Aang so bad? Aang! Zuko wants you."

"Please Katara. This goes against everything the monks taught me. I just want to learn earthbending and defeat the fire lord"

"I'm your waterbending sifu and you will obey what I say. I can only summon so many water whips at once. And besides by the look of this black hole he'll need a battering ram at least"

"ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT WHAT THE FUCK, I mean come on, somebody's got to say it," came Sokka's voice from the campsite. "Can't a guy just enjoy a date with his lovely oversized rocky luminescent girlfriend? I mean, come on!"

"Just because YOU'VE gotten orgasm juice all over yourself doesn't mean we ALL have," said Toph, who had snuck up on him to experience his horny vibrations. "I'm going to the stream to watch."

Meanwhile, Aang had finally agreed to help Katara under the fear of experiencing her wet wrath as well. Monk Gyatso in the meantime rolled in his grave.

Finally, Iroh had emerged from his sauna, revitalized and with empty testicles.

"I'm so glad for sex. Bless sexuality and God bless you," said Iroh. "I would go to hell for you."

"You probably will," muttered/coughed God under his breath.

Iroh began to go searching out in the woods for his nephew. "Zuko! Zuko! I was just kidding earlier. I really do care about you. Zuko! Let's go find the Avatar to regain your honor!"

He went trudging through the woods. He must have searched for an hour now. Now he was desperate. He ran through the woods burning everything in his path. He saw a figure moving.

"Zuko?"  
The figure turned around and god damn it was Azula.  
"Well hello Uncle. I came here looking for you. You know, FireLord Ozai regrets Zuko's banishment and wants him home. There's talk of a rebellion. Family, is the only one you can trust."  
Iroh laughed a deep belly laugh. "You still trust your big cousin Jim?"

Azula got pissed and teary eyed and shot lightning at him. "DON'T YOU EVER DARE BRING UP JIM AGAIN!"

Too bad Iroh spent all those years studying Water Tribe savages and he learned how to redirect lightning like Katara bends leash noose water whips.

But he couldn't bear to redirect it back at his own niece. In a way Azula was right, family does matter. He redirected it in a random direction, and heard a sharp, piercing screech.

He turned around to where the lightning went. And holy fuck, it was the BoomerAang gang. Except, Katara was damn well roasted. It turns out the lightning struck the water leash and traveled straight up Katara's endometrium. Somehow, Zuko managed to get out unharmed. "Now you'll pay" he said, and put two of his fingers together and pointed them at Katara's already roasted body. But it just exploded and knocked him five feet back.

"Why can't I bend lightning?" he groaned. "Instead of lightning it just blows up in my face. Just like everything always does."

"Patience Zuko," Iroh said with a hearty, countryside chuckle.

"Except for now. Right now," he said as he shot a ray of lightning at Azula's feet, "mothafuggas gon drop!111"

And drop that thang she did. Azula could twerk like no other. All that time in girl's school, learning about the wiles of women, and out she came with the moves of a dog dragging its ass across a carpet. Everyone was confused for a moment, as the new situation seemed completely out of context. As it turned out, the rhythmic movement was perfect for building up potential energy which could be converted to an even stronger electric shock.

"Nyyyyeaaaaaaaargh!" she yelled as her ass cheeks clapped against each other and she popped her booty. She raised her hands up and pointed her fingers like a fake gun, then twirled and brought her arms down at the same time. An arc of lightning spewed from her hands and hit almost everyone. Only Aang came out unharmed.

Aang looked around and saw all the destruction.  
"Noo.. You CRAZY BITCHHHHHHHH" shouted Aang as his tattoos started to glow. He summoned that special chi water from the North Pole spirit oasis and using his avatar energy, swished it around everyone's erogenous areas like Katara's clitoris, Sokka's frenulum, Iroh's rectum, and Zuko's special spot rightttt above his belly button.  
"RRRRRGGHHH" they all shouted as the special spirit water stimulated their sex parts and brought them back to life.

Aang exited the Avatar state, and began to weep. Katara lovingly put a hand on his shoulder.  
"Katara... I hope you never have to see me like that again. I was so scary. I wasn't myself."  
They were all about to fight but Azula began to leave the scene. "I don't have time for you peasants. But as a reward for keeping me at bay for so long (I really am impressed, people usually die as soon as I break out the lightning), I'll give you this dildo."

"This is some quality erotica!" shouted Sokka as he fondled the penis and balls. "The Fire Lord won't know what hit him WHEN WE STEAL HIS WIFE WITH THIS"


End file.
